He would always post on my page, tag me on posts, comment on mine, text me alllllll day and night, and call often. Will the narcissist treat the new supply better? The narcissist is only interested in themselves and will eventually discard the new supply when they are no longer useful. A narcissists ability to essentially check off the boxes of their victims ideal partner checklist is something that shouldnt be underestimated and it also leads us into the next explanation as to why narcissists look so happy with their new source of narcissistic supply. Narcissists use their new supply to obtain narcissistic supplies from others, but it is critical that they remember that the relationship is just as superficial and manipulative as any other. Malignant narcissism and sociopathy can be both manifestations of this condition. But that is how the cookie crumbles when you date a narcissist. If the new supply does not give in to the narcissists demands, the narcissist may become angry and try to hurt the new supply emotionally or physically. Theres a small chance that this person will be your polar opposite, but thats only going to be true about their appearance and external personality, if at all. All they care about is plugging into you and siphoning out your energy. These are exactly the qualities narcissists seek out in the hopes of that person being easy to manipulate and quick to forgive of their abusive ways. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. The narcissist is a person who uses our wounds in ways that are harmful to us. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. The narcissistic supply comes from basking in the reflected glory of those whom they take advantage of and exploit. Their brains are wired completely differently and they are motivated by very abstract reasons that would make zero sense to a healthy, logical person. This can be difficult, but it is important to remember that the narcissist is looking for a reaction. I admit, it stung like hell. As a result, narcissists will not change and will only harm you in the long run if you do not avoid them. Basically, what this means is that whatever is going on within you, regarding your deep programmed beliefs and patterns, is what will show up in your outer world. But by this point, my own trauma surrounding the relationship in its entirety was peaking. What does all of this mean for why narcissists look so happy with their new supply? Its the reason why doing No Contact is absolutely required. The second reason that narcissists like to put others down and make them feel inadequate reminds us of a very important truth that we must accept if we are to learn how to manage narcissistic abuse. through that same cycle. The next day, he broke with me. Narcissists look so happy with their new supply because theyre in the love bombing and idealization phase of the narcissistic abuse cycle, their theatrical approach to seducing others makes them feel happy and inflates their ego, and because narcissists need to make others feel inadequate. Alyssa was not the first source of supply for my ex-narc. The reason why they do not change is because they see nothing wrong with themselves. The love bombing is exciting and while the new supply is all loved-up, theyre handing copious amounts of attention (supply) over to the narcissist. I was over the moon that hed have someone else to focus on and would (hopefully) leave me alone. So, how does supply come into this? It's nothing personal. This behavior is often done in an attempt to make you feel jealous or inferior, and to make the narcissist feel superior. It was all a facade. The Truth About Their Relationship. Narcissists get their narcissistic supply from people, but in some cases, they might even get it from a pet or group of people. What is your ethical obligation to the narcissists new supply? Just watch. When narcissists choose to source their next supply of power from someone less intelligent and beautiful, they can frequently miss out on the seemingly perfect supply. Only the narcissist can heal their own wound. narcissistic abuse, or love bombing, is a victim of narcissistic abuse at an early stage in their cycle, which narcissistic abuse victims display in their narcissistic supply. Our unique wounds are those caused by the narcissists first appearance to be a saviour who then attacked and hurt us. through that same cycle. They absolutely despised the part of themselves that made them feel those things, so they discarded it. Just because the relationship you had with a narcissist in your life ended, does not mean that the abuse they spew out with every breath has ended. In fact, narcissists often try to lure new people into various types of relationships with them, only to discard them when theyve gotten what they need. But you must not worry about what your narc is doing or WHOM they are doing. How They Treat Old Supply . Hed bounce from, youre working too hard on your own business, to when are you going to actually start making some money. Nothing I did was ever good enough and I was just running faster and faster on the treadmill to still be fully present at home as well as build a business (he never helped with the kids or housework). Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_12',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0');So, the new supply downgrade will be because they want someone whos actually less driven, therefore, less likely to outshine them. Actually removing my deep inner wounds has been the only way Ive found to fully heal from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse (yep, I was raised by a narcissist as well). Their ability to quickly move on from existing supplies is due to the necessity of having sufficient supply. Often he told me he wanted to marry me and have kids. The feeling was very harsh, but it was eye opening because I got to finally see him for what he was and that our relationship was a mockery, not real. It can leave them feeling inadequate and enfeeble their minds with self-doubt and self-blame. ? How does he get to abuse me for two decades then walk off with the car, the house and a new partner, while all Im left with is debilitating trauma? Why Would the Narcissists New Supply be a Downgrade? There are a few reasons why the narcissist flaunts the new supply. Your email address will not be published. My daughter came home crying one day because, as with any child whos parents separate, she was hoping wed get back together. Being a covert narc, he lacks the confidence and charm of a grandiose narcissist, so no doubt securing supply will only get harder for him as he gets older. Thats how strongly I feel. Once the phone or wallet is broken, you toss it out and get a new one. But ultimately, we are always looking to replace the old, used item with a new and exciting one. Emotional abuse can change your brain-moreso than physical abuse and I have had both. I had 2 kids, ran a full time business, and was going through a divorce so I had a lot on my plate. No. Theyre convinced that approval and validation from others is what will heal them, so they never turn inward and love, validate and reassure themselves. Its nothing personal. First, it is a way to invalidate the old supply. Only their own desires and needs can they satisfy. Theyll introduce their children to the new partner far too quickly, theyll inappropriately bring their new source of supply to events like birthday parties, holiday parties and so on. They will Lovebomb, Devalue, Discard, and Hoover you for weeks, months, and years. Narcissists get their narcissistic supply from people, but in some cases, they might even get it from a pet or group of people. They want (and expect) to be the centre of the new supplys world. If you react, you are giving them the power and control they crave. They care little about who they hurt in the process. And just when you think the relationship is finally coming to an end (again), the narc throws you bits of love (again), giving you relief from the pain and reigniting your hope for the return of your soulmate (again). The narc realizes theyre addicted to the supply and resents their dependency on the source. I remember when he started flaunting me all over his social during dating. As a result, they want the best for both worlds. Please dont mistake all of their attention and effort as love or thinking that they miss you. The motto of a narcissist is, me, me, me. They do not want partners who are too preoccupied with their own lives to not be giving their full attention to them (the narcissist). The new supply will be left heartbroken and confused, wondering what they did wrong. Then the next weekend, with his new fling. They need to have that validation because they are empty and are not happy with themselves. The narcissist will keep on using people to boost their self-esteem, but tragically for everyone, the narcissist will end up being angry at them because external validation can never heal their wound. Before you break up with your narcissist, you must recognize that they will almost certainly find a new method of love. A trauma bond is the addiction to your abuser. Meaning that if a covert narcissist were to experience good fortune for long enough, theyd show the characteristics of a grandiose narcissist. Meaning that there are many overlaps, anomalies and outliers in the narcissistic realm. I thought, how weird? It doesnt even matter whether you are a direct witness or not. To understand why I say words do not mean anything, I want you to understand that a persons character can only be developed by spending time with them. If thats not scary and disturbing, I dont know what is. At all times, narcissistic people are pathologically insecure, and they have no control over their emotions; the only way they can manage their emotions is through outside influences. They dont like the new supply any more than you. There are a few signs that a narcissists new supply may not be working out. Because hed found a new supply, so he didnt need me anymore. I was not allowed to have any male friends or contacts. Triggered? They don't like the new supply any more than you. Throughout the eternity of the relationship, narcissists are projecting all of their negative emotions . Anyone with an ounce of a conscience would not set out to intentionally hurt someone else so horrifically or publicly. The narcissist has planted the seeds of a convincing and tantalizing screenplay in the new person's mind. But, every once in a while, the narc throws scraps of love and affection your way. It will simply become irrelevant to you because they are not a part of your reality any more. Stay away from people if their actions do not match their words and instead let them go when they are able to do so. It was all about using Quantum Healing to locate each trauma in your body and then shift it out for good. It may look like theyve moved on fast and truly some do, but you have to know they already moved on before leaving you-or letting you know. Youre not even thinking clearly anymoreyoure reacting to your addiction. It nourishes them and keeps them feeling comfortable with their lives. ! Maybe you feel that theyre not as attractive or intelligent as you, or perhaps theyre not as successful in their career or it doesnt look like theyve got much to offer. If you are in a relationship with someone who you suspect is abusing you in this way, it is important to reach out to a trusted friend or family member for support. No, not at all.. So, if a narcissist rubs new supply in your face, they are basically bragging and showing off their new partner to you. The narc will tell you who you can and cannot talk to. Something will be said or done, which will cause a narcissistic injury and the narcissist will begin to devalue the new supply. As the narcissist continues to make you feel like youre not enough, youll be working harder and harder at trying to stack up to their forever changing expectations. If you notice any of these signs, you should terminate the relationship and take immediate action. Narcissists are colorblind in how they view the world. Quantum law says, as within, so without.. They will even move fast within their new relationship, too. Angela Atkinson is a certified trauma counselor and the author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and related topics.A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse . She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. The narcissist just cannot risk having no supply on hand, so they will want you back while theyre busy seeking out someone else. Meaning that even after theyve discarded you they feel as if all the attention should still be on them. Theyre probably the type of person whos kind, caring and believes everyone is generally good at heart. They will not get treated any better by the narcissist, in fact theyll probably get an even more cunning version of them. Lets be honest, the new supply doesnt actually realise yet that supply is all that they are to the narcissist. This is how they get supply and once you stop, they will let you know about it. This can be done in a number of ways, such as bragging about how great their new partner is, or how they are better than you in some way. Their theatrics also serve another purpose. So, it is very, very likely that the narcissist in your life looks so happy with their new supply because they want it to look that way. The logistical challenges that come with being away from your family on weekends after work have grown increasingly difficult to overcome. Thank the supply Gods! In a healthy relationship, mirroring is simply when we unconsciously imitate the behaviors, characteristics, or attitudes of those close to us. To suppress this immature fear of theirs, theyll show off their new supply in a childish attempt to show everyone whos looking that theyre still on top of the world. Why the Narcissists New Supply is a GOOD Thing! narcissistic abuse victims can be retraumatized by the narcissists new relationship with the new supply of happiness, healthy living, and security. The narcissist wants the other person to make them feel good about themselves, but no-one can do this. As a result of this new supply downgrade, they are looking for someone who is less driven, which means they are less likely to outperform them. He could marry the source, buy a house. Our projection mechanism is used to take some aspects of our own identity that we find unacceptable and place them on others. Whether you were the one to leave the narcissist or they were the one to have discarded you, having to see them with new supply is absolutely heart-wrenching. When the human object cannot meet the egos insatiable needs, the narcissist begins controlling, punishing, and/or procuring new sources of supply on the side. So I will go on a wild guess that he was probably grooming her since at least May. Therefore, you must be discarded before you get the chance to reject or abandon them. When a narcissist and a new supply are having problems, it is often because the narcissist is not getting the attention they need from the new supply. Narcissists frequently experience brief, decompensatory psychotic episodes when they lack a regular supply of narcissistic supply. What matters most to them is having someone who will tolerate their ways. The kids offer up snippets of information here and there, but I dont enquire. As you can imagine, he totally lost control because he did not have any other supply lined up. This is just how the narcissist operates though. When pleasure is predictable, our reward circuits become accustomed to it and our brain actually releaseslessdopamine over time when with a consistently good partner. 7 Reasons the Narcissists New Supply is a Downgrade, [6 Tactics] Narcissist's Lack of Accountability in Relationships, [15 Reactions] When the Narcissist Knows You Have Figured Him Out, Letter From a Narcissist [Behind the Mask]. Or, they may create illnesses and dramas to monopolise your time. Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! Consider the social media sites of his new supply and refrain from viewing them. If you are too busy with your own hobbies, work, kids, pets, friends anything other than the narcissist, they will manipulate you into handing more of yourself over to them. The Beginning Stages of Narcissistic Relationship Are Often Designed to Look Happy, Narcissists Love Being Able to Seduce Their Narcissistic Supply Into the Abuse Cycle, The Narcissist May Look So Happy With Their New Source of Narcissistic Supply to Hurt You. Keep no contact and move on. Loss of. Unsubscribe at any time. If a narcissist needs supply and thinks you can provide it, they will do everything they can to get you back and manipulate you into giving up the supply they need. To them, the new supply is a fully topped-up source of energy who has the ability to adore the narcissist and give them Grade A narcissistic supply. 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