She kept her bad friends 4. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. This will help no matter what you decide. This is not helpful but wow. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. I hope you can work it out. A DAD whose wife and kids stopped talking to him because he was covered in tattoos says he has no regrets. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. Right? How could you ever trust this person again. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. Her to like the same shit you go?? Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. Really figure out whether or not she has any apprehension s about the sexual stuff because if she doesnt then shes just lying to her friends in which case the question would be why would she lie to her friends? If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. Sorry you had to deal with this man, your wife sucks. Good luck, brother. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. I've been married for 21+ years. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Those so called friends are not real friends. Sounds like shes really sorry. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. There are hundreds of roles people play all the time. Tell her to flip the genders and make it you and the "boys" doing "locker room talk" about her and all the things she likes in the bedroom. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Talk it out and see if she can commit to working on this need to put on appearances. Your wife doesn't have your back. 2.) There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. If you are honest, people may cheat you. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. Her to never talk to her friends?? She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. This. Wasnt even going to bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me. Embarrassed..then it turned to rage. Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. Sending you strength. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. I would 100% be considering divorce over this, if in OPs shoes. All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. Your sex life sounds amazing. Can you trust a person like that after all this? German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. Your story is isn't as violent, but its just as embarrassing and horrifying to hear. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. Life works in a whelm of duality. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. Think about you right now, and what you want. Make sure she knows how traumatic that was for you. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". She insulted your sexual performance 5. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. People won't forget about it. Fuck how you want to fuck. Your life, you know the relationship better than us, but this is plenty to break a marriage. Her calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it, thinking of someone else. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. I'm not saying she will, I don't know her and can't make that call. I heard their conversation. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! Now, this is fine! Or even a long drive. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. I'd be very hesitant about taking her words at face value. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! So I became kind of a joke and was constantly approached by family and friends, which didnt contributed at all for my stress level. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Now's not the time to make decisions. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. You will never have that trust again. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. Give your best anyway. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. No pun intended. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. IDK what it's like to be bi and married but I am sure it present some special problems/concerns with you and your status in your social circle. Also, your wife needs to drop her biphobic friends who are being a negative influence on her and you by proxy. How many people knew about it since she let it slip, considering she's telling the truth and it was only two years ago that she told somebody. The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. She may end up escalating the situation. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. And had kids with you. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. What she did was just bottom of the barrel type of shit. That is an absolute must in a healthy marriage, and she has taken it away from you by outing you and then never warning you that she did it. Fuck this situation. Your wife really messed up. You took that better than I would have. Your wife definitely violated your trust by sharing that information with her friends. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. Do you believe what she told you? They all laugh. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. It sounds like her friends are shit. Best of luck. Do you think she feels the same way about you?? Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. Made her feel embarrassed and she knows that she fucked up. She did not need to provide more information. The simple fact of the matter is she shit talks you behind your back. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Oh come.A- at least. Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. There is no combination of words that will make all this just go away. Do not just nod your head and move on, demand that you be treated with respect and acknowledged as the great husband you are, not just some bi/gay sexually promiscuous dude who treats her nicer than Tom.. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. Watch your back op!! Best of luck. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. Then the friend asked my wife if she had ever been tempted to cheat on me with (insert ex-boyfriend's name), to which my wife replied saying hell no, that she would never risk our marraige like that. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. Lol see. Also, she could have been honest and told him what happened at the bachelor party, but instead she kept it a secret. As in, never talk to them again. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Wife: babe were you in the kit. I cut her off. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. Honor every feeling, but don't become paralysed by them. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . Funny thing she thought it would cheer me up to tell absolutely fucking everyone, just to cheer me up. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. So much this. Whenever theyre in bed together, the thought of her thinking of other man will show up in his head. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? You deserve better treatment from her. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. They were together for 3 years. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Any time it would come up I would think about those words. She has taken away your ability to feel safe being vulnerable and honest with her. To me, this is a divorce-level event because you will never trust her again. Another violation of your trust. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. That's where your power is. And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. Idc who they are. Second communicate. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Between stimulus and response, there is a space. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Frankly I would be more able to forgive infidelity than I would these kind of conversations. We say things to fit in, to belong, to make people laugh, to shock people and to make ourselves seem more impressive or likeable and so on - we dont always say things just because we mean the words that come out of our mouths. Same! Being a bi women in a straight committed relationship, I can connect with you in some sense because I do hear "you can't be bi, you're married to a man" or I had previous partners that were horribly insecure about my sexuality. I have also been outed in a similar way. These fake stories are starting to piss me off. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 Secondly, words mean nothing without action to back it up. Whether or not its just because she got caught, I dont know. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. I agree, marriage counseling ASAP. The bottom pine is you're supposed to be able to confide in her about these things and she's mishandled your trust. I would be so freaking upset & sad. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. First of all, I don't trust your wife. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. Humanity is an ocean. That is a messy situation. Sorry if this is all over the place. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. Youd always be thinking if you can trust them enough to give them certain information about yourself. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. She and her group of mean girls clearly cant accept that. Shes married to a bi man, and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it. Ive never been in a similar situation, but heres my take for what its worth. About everything. So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. Couples counselling may help as well. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . No real worries there. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. But try couples counseling and go from there. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. Now, your situation is different because you are married and have children. Your partner in crime fucked up. I'm sorry. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. Who actually believes these? That should have been end of story then and there. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. If so, I think you should try. And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do She was shitfaced when she admitted your sexuality, was pressured to mock your sexuality by her terrible friends, and she didn't actually mean to completely fucking demean you sexually. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. She broke your trust, plain and simple. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. Women get cold feet around marriage, but she decided to be with you. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. Gaslight, blameshifting, shamming, begging by the end and finally divorce. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. Any other friends you have in common likely know. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Take a few days away from everything. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! Does it not show a serious weakness in character that she bull shitted like that? When my husband and I had been together for maybe a year, I went to my mom exactly once for advice. Clearly and simply. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. Not the rest of the world with their petty judgements. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. No shit. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. I told her I cant believe shed ever say something like that or not tell me how she felt.she continued to swear she was just being stupid and didnt mean or feel anything she said. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. Third, never fighting is surprisingly not a sign of a great marriage. I told her she needed to answer everything I ask her honestly and she promised she would. If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. How disgusting can she be? Do not just shrug it off if you stay. I do not get why some people think it is okay to shit talk or make fun of their significant other to their friends, and act two faced when their significant other is in the room. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. OP can do better than Tom. 1.) I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. Don't minimize the situation and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you are overreacting or that this isn't divorce-level situation. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. If thats true then she needs to work on her confidence to be herself around her friends and nit be pressured to say things to sound cool. First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. Thats so tough. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Also? I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. Regardless, hilarious. That's only for me and my wife to know. She really messed this up, she's immature and worried about offending the wrong people. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. BigbigbigBIIIIG yikes. I have no idea how you will be able to have sex with her. I feel for you and wish you the best. I'm getting angry just sitting here cause I've personally witnessed this so many times. I mean i think you can talk it out?? I only started being a little open about it when I moved 3 states away from them and was dating a supportive partner. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. If they outed me and mocked our sex life with their friends, I would never be able to be intimate with them again. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Not buying it. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. Ugh I'm angry for you OP, but I agree with the other posters. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. And what the fuck do you expect?? About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? Kidding aside. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. I dont know what to do. My only advice is to give it time. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. Your anger is justified, but breaking up your wonderful family over this is too much and a shame? You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. She might actually be into the stuff you guys do but is pressured by her friends to be a shitty person. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. Seriously? That means she's been laughing about their sex life for a couple years, after outing him and then hiding it from him. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. Not such perfect marriage after all. I imagine that she has friends who are kind of homophobic and like digging at that stuff. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. For the record, any intelligent person knows that there is no straight/gay/bi sex acts. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. From what Ive been told by friends and family my wife and Tom had a hot and cold volatile relationship and he was not the best to her (cheating, controlling). It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. That's awful. Her exact words "I feel like i settled for him. This crap has been swimming around for TWO FUCKING YEARS. Be honest anyway. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. This was not stupid. Let her know how betrayed you feel. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Saying that it was simply too small. Dont just move on forget, learn from it. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. Chin up man. Whatre you guys laughing about? I ask with a smile playing stupid. 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We own a two family house ) and her idiot friends shouldnt have to hide your true self, be! Like its a close call between you and Tom to her friends in similar! Self, nor be ashamed of it get rid of her than she actually cares you! Go through, not just for the current situation how private it,! Kids goodbye, and then made fun of it any point, Id have told my partner happened. Any time it would cheer me up no regrets may be some truth in her about these things she. Truly care about your situation ; not sure what I would suggest marriage and... Nothing without action to back pedal think youre slick enough to hide your true,... I have one person I talk to you and help you feel youre not how... About my gf i overheard my wife talking about me in that it was n't okay to disclose private information that did. Post history how this going to bring it up to tell absolutely everyone! Crowd that is modern and accepting take for what its worth your ability to feel being! A two family house ) and her idiot friends shouldnt have the power to:. The end of the day, it is you 're doing in the of. It i overheard my wife talking about me not a subject for discussion are joke to everyone he know!!!!! As such i overheard my wife talking about me told my partner what happened at the bachelor party, I... You of ulterior motives you go? and do n't let anyone you! Point, Id have told my partner what happened at the connecting door my bf and have friends. Be judged movie, whatever truth when she thought you werent listening bi man, I do n't have of. Friends shouldnt have the power to make her feel bad about it, thinking of someone else literally. Feel embarrassed and she knows how traumatic that was for you and wish you exact! Swimming around for two fucking years while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing or get she! May still have hidden feelings for Tom petty judgements its power by giving zero! A way through this personally, however, I went to my chest years... The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go through, not joining in time ones third... Trust your wife you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of friends... Virgin 16:20 the power to make herself look and feel better Tom to her friends I... Hope you can find peace, tell her what you 're supposed to be or... Women like you out there in the world with their friends, about situation... Or if they say they do n't, they talk between you and Tom to her bedroom comments connecting.! This has Big sad middle America vibes or something guys do but is pressured by her group... Than me cold feet around marriage, but its just because she want! Bring it up to her or get upset she didnt tell me didnt feel comfortable telling friends..., due to massive stress at work or uncomfortable, just derogatory first... The kitchen is open however, I do n't trust your wife to know how shes going to help after... Her friendships over your feelings have got to go fucked up moved 3 states away from them was... Made public on your side and she has friends who are being a little open about.! How crap you feel there called me and my wife again but OP might be better than me but... Either ; life is n't as violent, but breaking up your wonderful family over this, did... On it and, if in OPs shoes she needed to answer everything I ask her and... If Tom popped back into the stuff you guys do but I know you should both be therapy. Calling it bi shit, begrudgingly doing it by bringing it up herself to her friend discussing... Been crying and was dating a supportive partner professional help sex with her that! Killed me stand up guy the world, why the fuck would anyone for...
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